Nov. 20, 2006

It was a cloudy and cold morning. I went to hospital with Ken and his mother for check up for some unusual conditions that I feel in my body. We filled up forms and proceeded to the rooms for check up. Since I have three different areas of concern to be check up, we have to go to different rooms. While we were going to escalator I felt nervous and so I hold to my mother-in law's arm, because I treat her as my real mother. I was touched when I hold to her, I felt my mother is with me. While I hold to her, she said "It's going to be all right!" When we arrive the second floor, we sit and waited that my name be called. While we were waiting I realized Otosan, my father-in-law, were left in the house and nobody will cook lunch for him. I heard that the check up will take long time, so we decided to let Okasan, my mother-in-law, go back home. Ken and I had our lunch in the nearest restaurant and after that we went back to hospital again. Then at last, my name was called and I was being checked up. I went through several check ups and apparatus. One of the apparatus I encountered made me cry, it really hurt me so much. It was kind of X-ray for breast, I don't know the technical name, maybe Mammogram. It was the worst experience I ever had. Imagine, my breast being pressed side by side, it was to painful. After it was done, I told my husband, "It's better to die, than to suffer like this." But he responded "It is just temporary pain, it is better than you die." I told him that kind of statement because I thought that what if they found out that I have a cancer, it means I have to get into these painful experience again. Thanks God, I was relieved when I heard the result is negative. The two concerns in my health were no need to be worried about but the third one made me disturbed. The doctor told us that we have to be back after two weeks because they have to examine it throughly. When we were in the car going home, I was quiet and I can't think of anything but my health. My husband kissed me because he noticed I was not ok, it's his way to comfort me.

I need to have a strong faith, strong spirit so that I can overcome this kind of trial in life. Sometimes when I get into problems I almost give up but I manage to control my depression and tried to fight. And now, what I have to do is to think positively, I should believe to okasan that it's all going to be alright. Things will turn to happiness again. I believe in God, he won't forsake me.